Consumer Whore

So I was watching the news the other week and a piece on David Suzuki's findings on the "Dirty Dozen", twelve toxic/maybe bad for you chemicals. Turns out one or more of these chemicals can be found in approximately 80% of cosmetics sold in Canada. Long story short on the whole science-y part of that, I am researching these dirty dozen and will be, at some point, writing an article for Vision of Earth http://www.visionofearth.org/ (I can't for the life of me figure out how to link. Bear with this technology-impaired idee-ote).

That article is meant to inform. The research is arduous, even for me. But let us look at the deeper implications of the fact that we don't even know what kind of products we are putting on our faces, not to mention elsewhere(ie. shaving cream on your junk. Yes I went there). Some of the chemicals in these products have been proven, when given large doses, to cause cancer in test animals(lab rats). It's just so convoluted. What is helping to kill me? Why isn't it easy to actually find these facts?! Why is BHA labeled as a carcinogen in California and not used in products yet is legal in Canada? Why is industry allowed to get away with not listing all the chemicals in the stuff they are selling me? Why am I not allowed access to the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Well, derr folks. It's because if we knew the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, we wouldn't be buying this shit. We would not be consuming it!

We all watch commercials and that is the end game. Shiny, healthy hair? Smells like watermelons? Fuck yeah Fructis, see you at the supermarket!
Guess what, fuckers? We don't need to use shampoo. We don't need to use conditioner. I have not yet done so, but have read on numerous websites that washing hair with baking soda, and rinsing with vineger(apparently you can throw essential oils and other things for scent and hair issues, ie dryness) is fantastic for your hair. I am really amped on this concept.

It is apparent to me, from watching No Impact Man, and many of the blogs and other sources I have looked into, that going Green is so much better for an individual than the present consumer-whore lifestyle. You can go to a hair salon and drop $50 on hair products(probably more), yet I bet if you do the baking soda/vinegar wash and let your hair produce its natural oils(and shine) without stripping them with shampoos and the alcohol and other chemicals in your styling products, your hair will look just as good, probably better.
Yesterday I also looked in-depth at chemical-free skincare and such. I have strong intentions to run myself dry of the makeup, body lotions, body washes, and other crap that I presently own. I can likely give away some of my stuff because I JUST HAVE SO MUCH. I have at least a year's supply of shampoo and conditioner, and I plan on getting into that whole homemade hair-wash thing far before then.
It's kind of sad though. I changed to aluminum blah-blah-blah free deodorant about 3 months ago. Now I have about 3 half-used anti-perspirants that will never be used by anyone. I don't think anyone I know would accept that, and I don't want to give something that can cause breast cancer to someone I care about anyways! Lo and behold, they will be thrown away. I suppose I shouldn't have had so many of those to start with!

So, down to the base of the problem. The commercials. The societal perception. The fact that we don't even think there are other options because they will never be presented to us unless we actively look, or were lucky enough to be born into a family or befriend someone who can see beyond what is being sold to us and blasted into our brains so many times throughout the day.

I am not going to stop buying stuff. I am not going to make my own soap at home. I know that, I don't feel bad about it. I know that I don't have enough time in the day or ambition to do these things. We all need to learn, socialize, and make money. That doesn't leave me all the time in the world to figure out how to make environmentally-friendly alternatives.
In my learning down-time, however, I can learn things like how much money an individual can save by going green. The only cleaning supplies you will ever need: vinegar, borax, baking soda, and castile soap(I don't use castile soap, by the way, but it would help to replace dish soap and could be used in lots of other cleaning formulas). How many other cleaning supplies do you have in your house? How much money did you spend on them? How long would it actually take to throw some vinegar and water in one of your old spray bottles and use it to clean some shit? Fuck all that green-washing that tells you that cleaning products are "green". Avoid all doubt and do it yourself(and save money).

I will re-iterate. I am not going to stop buying stuff. I don't want to wear as much makeup, but I know that in my profession, I get tipped more when I look put-together and have nice curled eyelashes, and an even complexion with no bags under my eyes, and am just a wee bit sparkly. I do intend to rely more on the products I cleanse with to even out my complexion. I plan on buying all-natural products, that, from what I have read, for example, http://www.aubrey-organics.com/ProductInfo/808.aspx , work better than the chemical-laden products I presently use(my complexion is far from smooth right now). The product I linked to includes a straight-forward list of the ingredients, and they all seem great for my face, not to mention non-toxic. I am still a consumer, but I want to consume more intelligently. I don't want to buy into product hype. I want to be healthy and smart.

You Should Read This Because Somewhere In Here I Encourage You to Kick My Ass

I'm presently getting myself out of a rut. It's not easy. My family is being a bunch of dicks for taking not one, but two years off of school. It makes me doubt myself and go back to that same place I always go to. Feeling inferior, like my own future isn't worth gambling on something that might fail. I had a very in-depth conversation lately with one of my (mildly intoxicated) best friends. She said that she's been sitting idly by for the past 3 years, hoping I get my shit together because I'm too smart to piss away the rest of my life.

I would do said pissing in this instance by not making positive steps towards becoming a journalist. Journalism involves writing, and it looked like it could be fun. That is why I was first drawn into this. And it didn't hurt that after 2 years of taking whatever classes I felt like, Journalism, with its fairly open 2 years of pre-j, all my credits would go towards something. Finally, after years of "so what is it you're going to school for again"'s from friends and family, I would have said I was going into Rock-climbing studies if it would get those nosy fuckers off my back(except that rock-climbing combines my two fears-heights and excercise, so really, no one would believe that one).

Here I am, 4 years later. Now with a car to my name but no closer to my actual goal, and I'm sitting here hoping that I actually follow through this time. Especially since the previously mentioned friend expressed how important it is that I stop thinking that I won't make it. How important it is that I stop being scared. On Facebook, I have two favourite quotations, both related to this, and both from one of my favourite TV shows, Scrubs. They are as follows:

"I've made so many mistakes in life just because I'm scared"

"you want to take the easy way out... because you're scared. You're scared because if you try and fail there's only you to blame... Life is scary, get used to it. There are no magical fixes, it's all up to you. So get up off your keister and go out of here and go start doing the work... Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

These are not the kind of quotations I want to rule my life. I don't want to make mistakes because I'm scared! That sounds terrible. And my fear is no longer that I won't get into Journalism school at U of R. Because if I don't get in, there are so many other options in this world that are open to me. My pretty sweet boyfriend helped me to break down the wall that I had unknowingly built around me. I used Journalism as the be-all and end-all. If I didn't get in, it would be even worse than saying things are on hold at the moment. It would mean saying my dreams are fucking dead. Might as well just work at Tumblers for the rest of my life, feeding sad people beer until they hit their graves while working myself into mine.

Turns out, maybe I was being a little over-dramatic. I don't need to go to J-school at U of R. Fuck, I don't even need to go to j-school at all! There are diplomas for journalism all over the country! And other areas of media are wide open to me. I'm a crazy-smart hot-ass bitch, this country is my oyster!

So guess what my fear is now that the world is open to me? Follow-through. I'm petrified that I'll just get lazy and not fill out my application on time. Or even leave it until the last minute. I'd fuck myself out of a world of opportunity just by sitting on my ass. This sounds ridiculous. But you know what? This is coming from the lady who got her passport application 8 months ago. That shit still hasn't been taken for processing yet. I'm fucked in the head. There are many other examples but they're too damaging to my reputation for me to share.

I need positive reinforcement. I had a dream last night that reminded me of how my past is a huge part of who I am today. And unfortunately my past involved me hating myself, being bullied for being overweight, feeling completely misunderstood because I didn't think the same as everyone else(overanalyzed EVERYTHING, much more than any normal kid should, generally just thought too much), feeling like a social pariah for the majority of a three-year stint, and off and on before and after that.

I've progressed so much since then. I like to think that I'm everything that I thought I couldn't be back then(except a waif. God knows I'm still not a waif). I remember being in J. Elden Bergey Elementary School, probably grade 3ish, and just wishing, yet knowing that it could never change, that I would not be so shy anymore. I am no longer a shy person. I am a server. I can get along with almost anyone. I have moments where I falter. Sometimes I get too intimidated to talk to new people because I freeze when I overthink what I'll say, and as previously mentioned, I overthink a bit. But I have faith that when push comes to shove, I can charm someone's pants off(as has been recently confirmed after I got offered a job as a server at the classiest hotel in Regina , only 2 hours post-interview).

The point of this entry is, this time next year, I better fucking be in school. If I'm not in school, anyone who sees me has full license to shake me around a bit, maybe rough me up a little bit, and remind me of what I have written here. Thank you, good eve.

Oh. Herro.

I am sure that my legion of followers have been wondering where I have gone. My summer got out of hand. I got so busy, and when I had free time I vegged. And visited a boy. And tried to keep my life and sanity from falling apart.

The grandeur of my intentions when I started this whole blog business has not halted. It was just put on hold. I am now back to impart my wisdom onto all.
Despite numerous ideas I am at a loss for a subject for tonight's entry. Let's go with the subject that keeps word vomiting out of my mouth in everyday conversation-- Colin Beavan's book "No Impact Man", which I started reading a week or two ago and have not yet finished. "No Impact Man" has already made me want to completely alter the way I live my life.

I always wanted to be a normal person. I wanted to fit in and didn't feel like I did. I dreamed desperately of living like everyone else my age. It wasn't until recently(when, I'm not sure. Maybe the past half a year, maybe the past few years) that I am not normal. And that being normal is not something that I should EVER have strived for. Fuck fitting in. Fuck talking about the same shit that all the other dummies are talking about. I am an intelligent individual and it is people like myself that have the potential to save the world while everyone else is so wrapped up in the trivialities that they don't even know what the leader of their nation is doing. It is our duty to try to change "everyone".

Since starting reading No Impact Man, I have shifted my beliefs slightly. I suppose I had just come to accept that the way the world is is the way it always will be. I'm just a part of that world and need to do what I can within it. I need to follow the societal practices that will help me get through this life. I never wanted to do things differently for fear of "rocking the boat" and becoming a social pariah(I've done enough of that without even trying). Believe me, telling a clerk that I didn't need a plastic bag with my purchase used to be a struggle. They were always at the ready with it. Because I didn't want to disrupt this clerk's rhythm I would always get a bag to contain my purchases regardless of size. Plus, what if I bring a Safeway bag into Walmart? Will the Walmart guards come and kick me out of Walmart for not showing complete allegience to the store, and yell "You hurt Walmart's feelings so now we're going to hurt your body!" as they hurled me out of the store and kicked me a little for good measure? Now I say confidently that I don't need a bag, except in that odd occasion when I forget my reusable ones and have many decent-sized purchases. This is a small example. My refusal to accept more plastic bags into my life is not even a drip in the ocean or some sort of cliche phrase like that that means it's not noticeably helping the world.

But add these things up: using a reusable mug for coffee, tea, etc instead of the automatic cardboard cup they give you; choosing to bike instead of drive(even in the rain bitches); and cutting back on certain unnecessary purchases such as makeup. These actions can change your habits and make a change. Because guess what folks? The present societal practices are not fucking cutting it! And everyone who has any sense about them needs to come to terms with this. I don't expect everyone in the world to. But I've seen the power I've had with the people in my life with such small tasks, the folks who think I am annoying for not letting them toss out recyclables, to get them to turn the tap off all the way-- those who think I'm weird for always using reusable bags. Once you change habits and get someone thinking about the actions they subconsciously take everyday, that's the foot in the door. That shakes up the monotony we all get sucked into. I'm not going to harp on people to change. But I believe that if they are aware of the alternatives to the way they are presently living, once that seed is planted in their brains, there is potential for it to grow or for it to die.

Colin Beavan took the ultimate alternative to our present way of living. He did something that is seen as radical because he chose not to take part in a consumerist lifestyle for one year. How ridiculous is it for people to be shocked by someone choosing to put limits on themselves? With the limit being zero in cases such as use of disposable diapers and meals in fast food restaurants. Of course, in our society, putting limits on consumption IS outrageous. We are wealthy enough to waste, so why not? When you have enough money, you can buy a solution to everything. Fuck. Is it just me, or does society sound more screwed up than Colin Beavan?

For example, yesterday I served a table that got a super extralarge pizza. It is a massive pie. There were two slices left when I asked if they wanted it taken away. I asked if they wanted it boxed, and papa Bear boisterously joked "Yes, we've been saving all year for this pizza!... No we don't want it boxed". The people at that table were ok folks. But doesn't it seem a little insensitive to be like, 'of course you can throw our leftovers away, don't be silly. We have more than enough money to feed ourselves.' Not everybody does indeed have that comfort. And even though this family did, would it really have hurt them to have that food around for when they inevitably get hungry again(you know, because despite their immense wealth, they are in fact human)? I throw away customers' food all the time and don't think this much about it. It was the comment that got me going. It is a reiteration of my previous statement. "We can afford to waste so why not".

This blog entry is not long enough for me to get into my feelings on why the Earth and its resources need to be valued. And this entry definitely isn't long enough for me to list how big of a hypocrite I am for having so many beliefs that I rarely act on. But I'm sure that you, my loyal and large group of followers, comprehend what I'm getting at. You better! Because I even went back and proofread my rants and fixed them for that purpose. Anyways, there shall be more of my excessive blogs to come. Hope you gleaned something/anything from this one(besides how remarkably verbose I am of course).

Malcolm in the Middle Will Never Seem the Same

So my present favourite show is Breaking Bad. In fact, it's the only show that I'm watching right now on a regular basis besides anything by Louis Theroux. It's so great because it's COMPLETELY UNLIKE ANY SHOW I'VE EVER SEEN. "What do you mean, Chelsea? How can it be unique?" you ask. Here is what I have to say to that.

All shows on TV right now put in a lot of effort to emphasize a situation. Comedies have their laugh tracks, action has its fast-paced music, drama has its violin medleys, so on so forth. Ridiculous events happen and people react just as ridiculously to perpetuate the intended reaction. In Breaking Bad ridiculous things happen. Almost everything that happens is completely, atrociously bizarre. And sometimes characters act in ways that piss you off. For example, in the first season, Walt(Bryan Cranston) finds out he has cancer. He can't afford treatment, but he is a proud man and refuses the "charity" of one of his best friends. It is frustrating to see this, however it is understandable because we've seen what kind of man Walt is. He's proud. Everything he has that is his is HIS. His house, his wife, his vehicle, his debt. He considers his well-being to be something that only he can be responsible for and doesn't like the concept of owing someone. My opinion is that he feels that the actions he took led him to the point he was at, and it was his time to reap what he sewed to some extent. And that he alone would dig himself out of the mess he'd gotten into.

So that was a bit of a tangent. My point is, you can be morally offended by the things that happen. The method with which Walt chooses to deal with his jam is insane. But it is dealt with in the show in a logical way. Every single crazy thing that happens in the show makes sense. And it isn't made more dramatic with silly effects.

The simplest way I can explain my love of this show(and why I can only watch it once a week at the most):
It is like real life. It is the most realistic show I've ever seen. You don't love the "protagonist". Most of the time I find his actions repulsive. But everything has consequences. Watching the characters' descend is haunting and fascinating.

The Logic May Come Sometime in the Future... Right Now it's Just an Asylum

Ever felt like you have so many thoughts and so many ideas that you want to share that you can't contain it anymore? Immediately following that feeling and the urge to do something about it, ever felt so overwhelmed that you can't grasp onto a specific thing to write about? That's how I feel right now. So I'm winging it and seeing where I go. Hopefully somewhere along the way I'll find some sort of structure.

First off, while I'm writing I don't want to think about who will read this later. That will cause me to perform for a specific audience because that is just the kind of person I am. With time maybe this will change, but for now I am just throwing my thoughts out there for a faceless mass. Or a faceless nobody. That's not the point.

I'm going to start by talking about that which I think about the most: the opposite sex. I've been single my entire life. Those who know me quite well know that this hasn't always been by choice. I was a nerdy, chubby kid who was pretty socially retarded through most of elementary and high school. And my self-esteem was prrrettttyyy low, for good reason. I was picked on a lot and I let that rule my opinion of myself. That pretty much made the point in life where young ones typically have their first crushes, first kiss, first boyfriend or girlfriend, first "heart break" nonexistent for me. I was 16 before I realized that the opposite sex could even remotely be interested in me. Silly me, right? I mean, a young girl has a vagina, which is a lot more powerful than I was aware at that point in my life. All I needed was to use that as a selling point and I would have been a lot more successful with the gents in my younger years. Of course I'm happy I didn't. First, every male I knew in high school were boys that would have been remarkably wrong for me. Small towns aren't conducive in boy-hunting when you're not a typical small-town individual. Second, I totally would have become one of those girls that thinks her only value is sex. Which would have further decimated my self-confidence.

Anyways, let's skim over the details of my beyond-high school male encounters because they are generally pretty embarrassing or just plain sad. I was still astoundingly shy with the opposite sex unless there was booze involved throughout my first 2 years of university. I regret that, but I know it was the natural path. I could have benefited a lot more from the "university experience"and just thrown myself into the social world but I had just assumed everyone had their friends already and wouldn't have room for me. I know that was an incorrect, self-protective, self-deprecating thought pattern.

So where are we now? Well, I'm pretty darn self-confident, and I'll admit I was pretty frumpy in high school but have changed enough to feel attractive and unashamed of my flaws. Shadows of my old self pop up sometimes. For example, I'll feel like I'm being humored when an attractive guy starts talking to me at a bar, like they're just killing time until they see their real prey. Overall, I embrace my physical attributes. I'm not delusional enough to think I'm a 10, but we can't all be 10's. And at least I'm not an uggo. Even if I was, uggos need lovin' too.

I joke a lot about being single. It's necessary to have a sense of humour about it when ALMOST ALL of my friends are in long-term relationships. Recently my buddy Brent reminded me of a hilarious interaction that I had forgotten. One night, 2 couples and I went out for supper, let's say it was Montana's. We walked in and the host asked "For how many?", to which we responded "5". He looked at me and said "so you're alone", as in 'you don't have a significant other joining?'. I responded, as straightfaced as possible, "Yes I'm all by myself. I'm so lonely." The host responded by looking very awkward and leading us to a table. Pure gold.

I know part of each of my taken friends wishes I would find someone so I wouldn't ever feel like the odd one out. However, I still quite enjoy being the quirky fun-loving one in the group. Plus I get to recount my scintillating sexual romps to them to make them jealous while they're stuck having boring couple sex... ok, so I don't. But at least the option's there!

I find myself relating a lot of my traits with Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. She is independent to the point of being stand-off-ish, career-oriented(ok, I could only dream of being as driven as her), hi-larious, and unapologetically herself. I like to think that on my good days I am like that. I also like that she's not your typical woman in most ways, especially in relationships. I don't want to be the ohmyGod he's so dreamy, I want him, I need him, I'm going to go crazy if I don't get him game-playing girl. And I think I've managed to be the girl that wants not NEEDS a guy. This is exhibited in how awesome I am as a single lady.

I am going to share something that I wrote in my journal the other day. It's a little intimate, but I'm going all in so fuck it. I think it's kind of insightful and introspective. So here she is:

I need attraction. I need intelligence. I need quirky interactions. I need comfort. I need unique. I need butterflies. I need someone who knows how to kiss(ooh how risqué). I need someone who doesn't play games. I need someone who is straightforward. I need someone who thinks that making me happy is more important than making themselves happy (not in everything, I'm just saying that focusing on your needs and not the other says where your priorities are).

And so concludes my first ever blog entry. It wasn't what I anticipated writing but it feels good just to get some words out there. I look forward to whatever shit I end up throwing out there next time, and that feeling makes it worth it already. So good eve, Internets.