Tone of Voice

I don't know if I've always been like this(as in as a child) or if it just developed with time, but my tone of voice usually does not represent what I intend to convey. I sound sarcastic when I'm not being so, and when I'm making jokes people oftentimes don't get that I'm kidding. I'm happy that I am aware of this now. I haven't always been, so oftentimes people mistake me for a bitch(which, of course, I am not. I am a genuinely kind and wonderful person). Chris reminded me last night that I warned him about my tone when we first got acquainted.

I suppose that how I talk might have started out as a protective mechanism for me. I was a shy child, I was ridiculed on a regular basis. Perhaps I started talking with a natural bit of sass to try to sound fearless. Maybe in the years where I had no real friends I forgot what normal interactions were like. Who knows. All I know is that as an adult, how I speak is a hurdle that I'm getting over.

When I'm serving I don't think it's as obvious, because I put on my fake genuine smile and talk real nice. But when I meet new people, when I'm out at the bar, that's where it hits. My friends must be somewhat used to it by now.

Anyways, this quirky impediment is something that I have to live with. It's funny, I always used to be fascinated by all the options of things to say in the world. So many possibilities, yet I generally chose none of them. I'd make up grandiose speeches in my brain, I'd prove all the assholes how wrong they were about me, but I'd never actually make a peep. Fascinated by the possibilities but silenced by the fear. And now when I manage to get the words out, they so often seem to miss their mark. Wonderful.

Anniversary

Chris and I will have been together for about a year very soon. We aren't sure of the exact "date" of our anniversary since we weren't officially a couple until we'd visited each other a few times over the period of a month or two. But the point is, that we've definitely been together for a year this month. I have needed an excuse to go for lobster for quite some time so this anniversary is perfect.

I am very excited. I love Chris and we have so much fun together. And I love the idea of lobster. How can this not be an awesome night? We aren't the kind of couple to celebrate every little milestone so this is really our first couple-y celebration.

I wonder if we can get some free dessert for this? We give out desserts for celebrations at the Hotel.. well, not for dating, for marriage. But we can pretend?