Things have changed SO MUCH in my life. I can't say for sure when it started. Things constantly changed, whether it was moving to the apartment in the sky, getting hired on at the Hotel, starting a relationship. I think I finally sought out my own happiness when I started dating Chris.
I am now progressing much more rapidly than ever before. I'm facing new things everyday, and the most notable is that it's not just one aspect of my life that has changed. For example, in the past I got a new job... so my workday changed. I moved, so where I lived changed. But now almost every hour of my day that isn't spent sleeping is different. I can't go visit Chris on my day off.. because I'm not really getting days off. I'm always doing schoolwork or working, or am in class.
My days revolve around school not work. It is stressful, and the most work I've ever had to do while in school. I felt on the edge yesterday and the day before. Thought I was going to go home and cry later on because of how much work this all is. But it didn't take long to realize that everything I feel "behind" on, everyone else was too. I succeeded in calming myself down, even though it took a day to lower my heart rate.
Last night after our quiz in night class, most of us 3rd years went out and had some drinks. It made for a pretty great night, and it was just what I needed.
I know I can handle this now. I am using up all the potential I've been wasting or been afraid of using all these years. I may not be the best in the class, but I am determined to succeed. Also, I love what I'm working toward. I have never actually had a final goal. Having one now makes my troubles worthwhile. Also... I can't wait to be published so all the people who were dicks to me when I was younger can go suck lemons when they see how far I've gone. I can't wait to see my name in print, or on the news, or wherever. It makes me giddy.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Jim
I've worked at Tumblers a long time. The owner's father, Jim, started up the place in the mid-80s, and then passed on the reigns to his son a few years ago. I have had many ups and downs with/because of Jim. He is essentially the daytime manager there. I'd say that he's not a bad guy in the way that if you got to know Hitler really well, you might think he's not a bad guy. Luckily Jim is in his 50s and no longer owns the business so his days of inflicting horrors on people are becoming more and more rare.
As is, he is pretty much just a quirky-as-shit old guy that makes me laugh. As a man from a different era he doesn't really understand how inappropriate some of the things he says are. They are entirely innocent, but bluntly sexual in nature, usually because of how he tries to backtrack when he realizes he's starting to say inappropriate things. Here are some examples I have encountered in my time:
"You know Chelsea, you have nice lips. That's not sexual. I mean, it could be. But that's not how I meant it!"
"You know, I mentioned this to Jen(a cook at Tumblers) already so it's not harrassment. When did you start dressing sexy? What's with that shirt you're wearing? It's like lingerie. Is that lace? It's nice, anyways."(it was a tanktop with lace trim, not underwear. And it was not at all a slutty outfit by the way)
"Don't take this wrong, but you must be doing something different. I don't know what it is but you just look really good lately."
He also just randomly took a picture of me on his phone once. I had dressed up really nice for work(like dress shirt, tie and vest) and he said he was going to show all the other waitresses how we should be dressing. A week or so later he said his wife saw the picture and said "what the heck?" because he has no other pictures whatsoever on his phone.
As is, he is pretty much just a quirky-as-shit old guy that makes me laugh. As a man from a different era he doesn't really understand how inappropriate some of the things he says are. They are entirely innocent, but bluntly sexual in nature, usually because of how he tries to backtrack when he realizes he's starting to say inappropriate things. Here are some examples I have encountered in my time:
"You know Chelsea, you have nice lips. That's not sexual. I mean, it could be. But that's not how I meant it!"
"You know, I mentioned this to Jen(a cook at Tumblers) already so it's not harrassment. When did you start dressing sexy? What's with that shirt you're wearing? It's like lingerie. Is that lace? It's nice, anyways."(it was a tanktop with lace trim, not underwear. And it was not at all a slutty outfit by the way)
"Don't take this wrong, but you must be doing something different. I don't know what it is but you just look really good lately."
He also just randomly took a picture of me on his phone once. I had dressed up really nice for work(like dress shirt, tie and vest) and he said he was going to show all the other waitresses how we should be dressing. A week or so later he said his wife saw the picture and said "what the heck?" because he has no other pictures whatsoever on his phone.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Shot Myself in the Foot
Mid-August I decided to go "part-time" at the Hotel Sask. I knew I'd have to go part-time at some point so I figured, why not do it when I have some time to just hang out before I'm back in school fulltime. I was not at all aware of the huge mistake I was making. I restricted my availability according to what I wanted for the month of August, but I did not account for my school hours at that time. So, in mid-August I talked to my manager and verbally changed my availability which we wrote down but as far as I know is "unofficial". I thought this was the right step to take. I thought that if I work 2 shifts a week, I'll be ok, and I'll pick up a few hours at Tumblers then there's nothing to worry about.
AAHHHH! Such a huge mistake. Apparently by officially restricting my availability for August(I did this because I knew that that was the only way I was actually going to get time off instead of having my wishes steamrolled by management) I nullified my seniority and became a casual instead of part-time employee. Now I'm at the bottom of a totem pole and I am so fucking upset. I worked there full-time for 10 months. That now means absolutely nothing. A guy who started 3 or 4 months ago is getting the shifts he wants and I am not. How is this ok? And yet, as a part of a union, there is nothing I can do. I should have been fully aware of what this restriction meant when I created it. But here's the thing: this guy is getting all the shifts he wants. How is he getting everything without having restricted hours as well? Is it because he's a guy and my manager seems to like him?
If I had known that I could just verbally or unofficially choose when I work, then I never would have gotten into this mess. Now that our full-time staffers are coming back from holidays, my manager said that I'll be getting only one shift on the next schedule, and the only way I'll get more is if I work room service(not serving, which is where I make all the moneys). If I only work one shift a week there, I might not be able to make it through this year without financial assistance.
How could I have worked for so long to have so much uncertainty? I'm heartbroken by this failure. I was so confident at the start of August. I saw all this money in my bank account, and somehow failed to acknowledge the $5600 of that was going towards school. Not books, not food, not rent, not fun times, not liquor, not gas, not car registration. Just to be there. Soon enough my ass will be getting kicked on a regular basis. I will be working so hard to succeed in Journalism School. I know that I can make work fit into this. But if I'm fighting to get shifts as a server I'm adding unnecessary stress. Looking at my bank account is going to become an awful ritual. What the fuck have I done? Do I seriously need another job?
AAHHHH! Such a huge mistake. Apparently by officially restricting my availability for August(I did this because I knew that that was the only way I was actually going to get time off instead of having my wishes steamrolled by management) I nullified my seniority and became a casual instead of part-time employee. Now I'm at the bottom of a totem pole and I am so fucking upset. I worked there full-time for 10 months. That now means absolutely nothing. A guy who started 3 or 4 months ago is getting the shifts he wants and I am not. How is this ok? And yet, as a part of a union, there is nothing I can do. I should have been fully aware of what this restriction meant when I created it. But here's the thing: this guy is getting all the shifts he wants. How is he getting everything without having restricted hours as well? Is it because he's a guy and my manager seems to like him?
If I had known that I could just verbally or unofficially choose when I work, then I never would have gotten into this mess. Now that our full-time staffers are coming back from holidays, my manager said that I'll be getting only one shift on the next schedule, and the only way I'll get more is if I work room service(not serving, which is where I make all the moneys). If I only work one shift a week there, I might not be able to make it through this year without financial assistance.
How could I have worked for so long to have so much uncertainty? I'm heartbroken by this failure. I was so confident at the start of August. I saw all this money in my bank account, and somehow failed to acknowledge the $5600 of that was going towards school. Not books, not food, not rent, not fun times, not liquor, not gas, not car registration. Just to be there. Soon enough my ass will be getting kicked on a regular basis. I will be working so hard to succeed in Journalism School. I know that I can make work fit into this. But if I'm fighting to get shifts as a server I'm adding unnecessary stress. Looking at my bank account is going to become an awful ritual. What the fuck have I done? Do I seriously need another job?
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