A Good Life

I am not morbid in any way, but every once in awhile I think, if I were to die tomorrow, would that be ok? I mean to say, do I feel like I am fulfilled, do I have good memories, am I happy, am I at a good place? Of course there are things that I want to do that may not get accomplished, such as start a career, be successful, have kids, so on, so forth. But what's happened so far is amazing. Hilarious things have happened to me, I have caused hilarious things. Brent used a line from Ferris Beuller today. "I'm not gonna let some snot-nosed kid leave my cheese out in the wind", and I laughed, but couldn't remember where the quote was from. He told me that it used to be one of my favourite quotes(either at end of highschool or start of uni).

I love that other people remember things like this from our lives. It also reminds me of when I lived with Brent and Caitlin. It wasn't perfect but undeniably it was a lot of fun. We did nerdy things and have hilariously tame and eclectic memories. Me and Brent would do math at the dining room table together every night, and I'd always joke about how when I looked up I'd get distracted by the reflection of myself in the sunroom doors. Before moving in I remember joking about how Brent would use our new sunroom(when we were actually excited to have a sunroom) to learn karate. I remember being nervously excited to start school.

I've always cherished my alone time. There are lots of observations I make when I'm enjoying nature in the park, a bike ride, a car ride, winter walks(oh lord, how I loved my serene winter walks), even tonight walking to my car from Brent and Caitlin's place after a visit. I marvel in nature. I love the Earth. I love soaking in my environment.

I love new experiences. I love hanging out with people that are completely different from me, and meeting new people. The experiences I've had at parties, or in the Explore program in Montreal, those were once-in-a-lifetime. I hold dear the new and the old adventures I've had. The times I've spent with family and friends are, of course, incredibly important. I may not spend a ton of time visiting back home, but I got some mad-love for my homies.

My point here is, I can imagine a video montage of some of my favourite memories, and it's a great montage. Like when Chris and I went to Winnipeg and our hotel didn't have a hot tub, so we crammed into our room's tub and ran the shower and unplugged the tub when it would fill up too much. And guitar hero marathons of younger years. So on so forth. I have a full life. I don't think I'm missing anything except the years that are to pass, and I'm sure they'll be great too.

Fresh Start

I didn't do university exactly right the first time around. I didn't embrace the opportunity to meet new people, make new friends. I started off with stellar grades, but petered out and brought my GPA down because of it. This time around I plan on turning those things around. I know that I've only been away from school for 2 years, and to my friends that doesn't seem like a lot, but trust me, I can feel it.

Most of the kids I'll be in classes with will have encountered each other and had classes together. During that whole chunk of time I've been in the workforce. This is an advantage to me, career-wise, I think, because I've lived in the real world. However, in the social sense I'll be starting from scratch. I have become a lot better socially over the years, and I see a lot of potential in this but it is also a big fear for me. Meeting new people is not my strong suit. I get incredibly self-conscious. I revert to my childhood self, introverted, afraid to say anything because I'll embarrass myself. Essentially I just put the wall up. I am a terrible conversation starter, and I am even worse at becoming a part of a group.

I feel confident that I can turn things around. I did start up conversations with a few people I had classes with in the past and made a few buddies. Just takes getting over that initial fear, and you can move past that. I just don't want to look desperate, I think that's what's always been at my core. I want to look self-sufficient, like I don't need to talk to new people, I'm fine on my own. But in all honesty I am not. I want new things, new people, new interactions. Here's my chance.