Close Your Eyes

Today in class we had a student-led presentation on the subject of trauma in journalism. At one point we were asked to close our eyes. Imagine a traumatic experience you've had. The way it was presented really did take you into that moment and into how you dealt with it. As we all have, I've been through some stuff. But my mind went to something strange in that moment.

When I was in about grade 7 I was climbing the stairs with my class after some sort of event. Maybe a gym class outside or something. And a guy behind me said something along the lines of "shouldn't take the stairs at the same time as Chelsea, I can feel the earth quake". This, of course, was only one instance of many when that happened to me when I was younger. But I remember it full and clear. I remember above all else that feeling you get. The feeling I got time and time again where I was ashamed to be myself. Where I had no voice and just pretended I couldn't hear anything. Just prayed to be invisible.

And then we were asked how we dealt with that. I dealt with it by hating my peers. I hated where I was, and my lack of freedom. How I was treated when I was reaching adolescence absolutely affected me and will continue to for the rest of my life. Fat, ugly, boyish, loner, leach.

I cannot change how I dealt. I vowed to rise above that town. To rise above everyone who set out to tear me down. It might be a wrong motive but it's a motive to succeed. I grew from an awkward child to an attractive young woman. I am proving my intelligence, skills and dedication.

When I worry that I won't succeed now, I remind myself of what I have riding on it. I refuse to fade into the background. My insecurities are a part of my past. I can't be a journalist without confidence, without ideas, without passion. I need to set myself apart from everyone else if I want to get ahead.

I've come a long way from that staircase. I'm the only person I know from my school to become a journalist. I never foresaw this but there are no words to describe how elated I am about it.

Powerful Women

I must admit that the women I admire the most haven't reported on the most important things in the world. They aren't the leaders of nations. They aren't scientists. I give those women props, but in all honesty, they aren't the women I look up to.

I admire women comedians. Samantha Bee, Amy Poehler, and Tina Fey are my idols. They also happen to be incredibly strong women. They are amazing at what they do. I respect how far they've made it in a male-dominated profession. I respect how unbelievably modest they are. Seriously, if I ever met any of these women I would be obligated to tell them how much I look up to them. They are so fucking funny. Their sense of humour is obviously rubbing off on tv viewers(Sam Bee caught my respect with her book, so I'm just talking about Poehler and Fey). Fey's book, Bossypants was funny. Not Samantha Bee-type piss my pants laughing, but funny. Bossypants was actually focused on feminism. The kind of feminism that hasn't been beaten to death by Hannah Arendt, just practical, real-life power, equality and REALITY.

I realize that my career path is very different from their's. But I can't help but feel proud for the strong women they represent.

I am incredibly picky about the women I look up to. A girl a few years younger than me ran for the NDP in the last election. I was pretty drunk when I was hanging out around her, but beyond admiring that she had the courage to try, I couldn't help but think of so many women with more knowledge, life experience, and passion than she had.

Perhaps the stereotypes about women are being reinforced in politics. In a recent news story, Laura Ross, the Regina-Qu'appelle Sask. Party MLA said that it would be great if there were more women but the most important thing is having MLAs that are qualified. And you know what, she is right. I hate saying it.

But the women that are more qualified than all those fucking men aren't running! I think that's the biggest problem in this province and in this country. Women don't feel like they're good enough. And in the baby boomer age of politicians, that is the trend. I think the future looks bright for women. My roomy is always talking about how awesome it is that Niki Ashton is running for NDP leadership. This seems alright to me, however I just don't know anything about her yet. Gotta do some research.

Anyways, I'm not sure what the point of that was, but I do know that what I said fully represents how I feel. Bye y'all!