Great Debaters

A week ago, on Monday, I went to a candidate's forum at the Cathedral community center. All of the federal candidates in my riding showed up. Ray Boughen(Conservative), Russell Collicott(Liberal), Noah Evanchuk(NDP), and Larissa Shasko(Green Party).

The Cathedral centre is a hub for hippies and leftist individuals. This venue is not the kind that the Conservatives would be excited about. I give Boughen props for attending this debate. I recall last election, most Conservatives, if not all, seemed to hide from the public unless they were knocking on doors. Many did not attend any public forums or debates, such as the Conservative running in Wascana against Ralph Goodale. I do not know if Boughen knew what he was getting into, but he stayed the whole way through.

Although I was about 15 minutes late, the vibe was very clear. Larissa Shasko already had the audience in her pocket. Evanchuk was getting a whole bunch of lovin' too. Boughen got scoffs and jeered at right off the bat. But hey, he was the only one whose opening statements were read off of a prepared speech. Everyone else spoke openly to the crowd. Watching these candidates, and being surrounded by people who actually care about democracy, who actually have opinions, filled my heart up with happiness.

Specifically, the reaction to Larissa Shasko speaking about the importance of proportional representation was powerful. Everyone clapped and became very enthusiastic. I felt like crying, it was so great to have people who understand how important this issue is. It is pathetic that all parties don't push for PR, although it makes sense that the ones gaining from first-past-the-post wouldn't want it. People like those who attended that forum need to band together to show how important electoral reform is to Canadians.

Anyways, Ray Boughen was weak sauce. He also got nailed when one audience member noted that Boughen spoke the 9th-least out of all members of parliament. How is a man who occupies a seat but does not speak for his constituents going to represent their values in parliament? However, one audience member accused the Conservatives of not attending a (inter?)national infrastructure conference that took place in our own city. This was an angry accusation. Boughen responded with honesty, that he was in fact there, and that that audience member was mistaken. This young man was a jerk-off. You don't make statements like that without knowing the full truth.

One position that I thought was ridiculous from different candidates was their stance on tar sands development. Shasko stated that a moratorium on tar sands development was necessary immediately. That is ridiculous. Shasko is a university student, and she's in the Green Party. That makes her a dreamer, and that makes her an idealist. You cannot shut down an economic powerhouse immediately. Yes, tar sands are a dirty, dirty operation. I know this. I have talked to others about it, and have even attended a lecture explaining the process by which oil is extracted from the tar sands. It is an energy-intensive process, and it has environmental ramifications. But to shut down the tar sands, that can't JUST HAPPEN. That would have a radical economic effect. I urge for Saskatchewan to not pursue tar sands development. But I also realize that the developments that already exist will proceed, and the most important and REALISTIC(!!) way to act, is to ensure that the corporations involved in tar sands extraction are held accountable for their environmental impact, on all levels. And to continue to search for ways to extract the oil with less environmental impact. We don't live in a dream world. We want the economic benefits of oil sands developments(aka money) but we don't want the environment to get hurt. We may need to compromise our core values, but this radical stance from the Green Party is going to hurt them more than help them. And it just makes it look like they have no basis in pragmatics, just a whole bunch of beliefs that have no ground in the real world.

Anyways, the debate was great, although sometimes long winded. I learned things, and I got to see Ray Boughen grilled on things that really mattered(and I didn't at all enjoy when he was treated like crap based on a lie). THIS is democracy, and I'm happy I went.

Life-Affirming Night

I've been having some difficulties lately. It's been hard to look past the present, which is Hotel Saskatchewan, day in and day out. Work, work work, sleep, work and try to socialize occasionally. And watch all of Parks and Recreation in the course of two weeks. The light at the end of the tunnel was not visible.

Me and my close buddies have been planning a tropical vacation for the end of the school year since at least November. It has taken shape and lots of talk and lots of stress had gone into it. Long story short, the allotted time to book off was May 1-15 and I was told, despite weeks of pleading and effort, that I could get time off for my trip but I HAD to work on May 8(Mother's Day). Because of the limitations set out, I pretty much said I couldn't go. Hopefully that is not the end game. But because of that I've been rather down.

I've also been awaiting an e-mail telling me that I'd either moved onto the interview part of my journalism-school acceptance process. It has been stressful. I wrote the entrance exam 2 weeks ago, when I have not written an exam in over a year and a half. I was out of practice, didn't dedicate enough time to the questions worth the most marks, didn't even finish at least 3 questions, misnamed a journalist, said Fukujima instead of Fukushima, and was unsure whether these mistakes would be the end of my journey. Today I got the e-mail congratulating me, telling me I was moving onto the interview. One more step, and I will discover whether or not I will make it into the Journalism program. This is amazing. I just realized that the things that were reviewed to get me here include my grades from the past 3 years, my resume, so much of me! And the grades I had were less-than-stellar at times. Anyways, I am actually proud of myself. I overcame my fear and I am on my way to success.

Also, tonight I attended a Mother Mother concert. They are possibly my most-listened to band. I own their first two CDs and recently downloaded their new one. They are so skilled, polished, passionate, inventive, and eclectic. Truly an amazing Canadian talent. Their music has played a huge role in my life. I've been listening to them constantly for over a year and half. I remember the day I drove to my entrance exam. I blasted their new album and sang along at the top of my lungs. The song Calm Me Down, fittingly was what I listened to before I walked into the university. Tonight, I danced like crazy. It was so natural, and I was moved so much by how beautiful their music is. No one can sing like them. I really felt free tonight, to just enjoy a great band in whatever way I wanted.

To top this whole experience off, after the concert, Kyle, Alana, Caitlin and I stood around after the concert. We all bought some merchandise and I wanted to go up to the lead singer, who was standing by the bar, and just "pound it" with him. A pound of appreciation for his music. I am, however, a pansy so I stayed standing for a few minutes. Finally we meandered closer to Ryan, and one of the girls in the band started chatting with us. We then chatted with the drummer and eventually got pictures with the band. It was awesome. I've never talked to a band after a concert but these guys were so great.

So yeah, I had one of those days. Where everything falls into place. Where life is what you want it to be and the future is in sight, and the future is stellar. Too bad my boyfriend is in Yorkton right now. It would be nice to share this with him.

On Relationships

As my 2 Twitter followers will know, I watched All the Real Girls tonight. I would even put myself out on a limb here and put this film on my top 10 all-time favourite list. I watched part of it years ago while at my dad's but started in too late to understand what was going on. Years later I was imdb'ing Zooey Deschanel because I think she is an amazing actress. I came across the film All The Real Girls, and recalled that it looked good, so I "purchased" it "legally" at a "video store".

This movie blows my mind. It is sad and happy and touching and captures so much in such a simple way. One thing that it really manages to embrace is small-town living and its many layers. It's not some "I left for the big city and now I'm back" film. These people have lived here forever and will not be leaving. The mid-20s guys in this movie have a great dynamic as friends and the blossoming relationship between Deschanel and Paul Schneider is so real.

Last time I watched this flick I was single, and now I'm balls-deep in a serious relationship. It made me feel a bit different this time around. Seeing how adorable the couple is together reminds me of Chris and I. Probably most couples have that. Those little things that only you share. Those memories of how they made you fall for them with their cute little nuances that make you smile. That special way that you feel when you're together doing something silly, or cuddling. It's really nice, and natural in this movie. Spoiler alert. Things take a harsh turn later on(which makes me cry like a baby) and it's even more sad now that I know the feeling of having something special.

Part of me is scared for that day(in real life) where I feel the way I do during the sad part of this movie. I am very close to people who haven't taken/don't take a commitment to one person seriously. That just makes me realize how fragile honesty and trust is. How easy it is to shatter someone with a reckless decision. How important recovery from something like that is.

One question this movie raises is how long can someone hold onto that, and is holding onto betrayal just as toxic as the act itself? Does a mistake really eliminate every good thing that ever happened before that? Without question though, breaking someone's trust is a bigger deal than people make it out to be nowadays. And isn't it fascinating how those who feel it the most seem to end up doomed to repeat it.

Happiness

I think work makes people unhappy. If at the end of the day you can say it is fulfilling, then it is worth it. I work to make money. I enjoy serving a decent amount but it does not fulfill me. I do not like workplace politics and I do not enjoy the greed and selfish behavior I have encountered since I started serving at the Hotel.

Tumblers, as it presently stands, makes me feel fulfilled. I know that when I am there I am helping the business out. I dedicate my time to leaving the place better than when I got there. I can be comfortable and bitchy and whatever I want to be there, specifically with my customers. I am not under a microscope. And ever since I went part-time I get treated with the respect I never got when I was full-time. I attribute that to me being an honest, hard worker and them realizing how few and far between those are. I originally intended to quit there when I got the job at Hotel Saskatchewan, but things have gone so well in the 4 months since I started there that I couldn't imagine quitting at Tumblers. Mind you, if I was there more than one day a week or so, I would be singing a different tune.

Anyways, many of the servers at the Hotel are in their 50s. They have been there for 30 years or more. They are INSANE. We only have enough cutlery to make it through a breakfast sitting before the cutlery must be washed and polished(the servers do the polishing). Because these women want to do as little work as possible and I imagine feel entitled to it, they HIDE polished cutlery in a variety of different credenzas and other locations in the dining room so that they have a stash of cutlery that is already polished. They also feel that if they brought items out to the credenza from the back, such as saucers or teacups, or even Radisson pens, that these items are theirs, yes, these items that belong to the Hotel Saskatchewan Radisson Plaza belong to them! No one else can use them. Never mind that there are limited quantities of these things, and when I bring stuff out they feel more than welcome to use them.

Another problem I encounter is that we have different sections that we serve. So regularly, these women will herd new tables to their section whenever the host is either not there or away from their station so that they will make more tips than me. The women also never smile. They are always in a rush, one of them always has a "deer in headlights" look on her face when I work with her and leaves our shared station (although if you asked I'm sure she'd say it's 'hers', because these women are nut jobs) in a completely unacceptable mess everytime she touches it. This is fine dining, and all the daytime servers in the dining room are so precoccupied with money, seniority and a sense of superiority that the customer is more of a casualty than a priority.

There are certain times where I enjoy working at the Hotel Sask. For example, when I work supper shifts. My usual coworker, Dora, has been at the hotel for I think over 30 years. She is very particular and testy at times. But she CARES about the customer. She can talk to anyone, she has an adorable Greek accent and gives good service. I enjoy when I work in the lounge instead of the dining room as well. The general attitude is less formal, there is a team atmosphere instead of an "every man for himself" attitude. And no one hides anything! (oh yeah, we also set tables differently in the dining room from breakfast to lunch. The ladies will start setting for lunch by 8:30am so that they use all the easily-accessible wine/water glasses before you do. Before they set, they will hide said items in adjacent unused rooms so you can't use them).

I guess what I'm saying is that overall I am unhappy with my present full-time job. Serving will always involve bullshit politics, whether it's because your boss prefers some girls over others, or, like me, you work with crazy women in the mid-50s/60s. It comes with some great perks(union job, which means health coverage, a raise every 3 months, free training in things that will benefit me beyond this job), but it wears at me. I'll give it some time and see if the pros outweigh the cons. Everyone there treats me like I'll be there for a long time, but at the very least, I will become part-time in fall. And at the most, I will no longer be living in Regina and thus will quit there. Why does work have to be so difficult?

Cat Love

Alana's bloggy blog

Those were our foster cats. We took care of Sunshine for about 5 months and Onyx for 4. They were a part of our household. Although we had one foster cat before them, Jasmin was only with us for less than a month.

As a child, my parents insisted that we not get pets. It made me incredibly sad and I never understood why. Today, those feelings are only heightened. Having a pet(or pets) as a child would have been wonderful for me, and for my brothers. So of course, I was excited when Alana proposed fostering cats(all the fun, only part of the responsibility!). Once we got Kyle on board with promises of keeping the house clean and always cleaning up after the cat(which we never really kept to a full extent, but we did improve), we started fostering. It was great. Having pets is everything I dreamed it to be, one of those rare experiences in life that lives up to and exceeds all expectations. I love having a cute cat cuddling up to me just wanting some petting and attention.

After some effort, with Alana attending an "open house" of sorts for cat adoption under the organization People for Animals, we achieved success in getting Onyx adopted on the spot. And two days ago, even Sunshine, our timid little Sunshine, got adopted. This was a great success, mainly due to Alana's campaigning on their behalf. Two black cats getting adopted instead of getting passed on to another foster home or under the People for Animals' roof is a major accomplishment. I am so happy that Fatty and Kitty got adopted and now have forever homes. And so close to us moving. It really is great.

I am sad that they are gone. I miss cuddling with kitties. Being in a long-distance relationship, it is a nice way to show affection for something during away-times(Alana didn't like it very much when I started petting her). I accept that the situation is the best way for things to have gone. The main thing that I feel sad about is that there are other cats out there, cold and mistreated, or both. We did a good thing by being interim caretakers for those cats. But there are more cats out there that need a warm home. And I can no longer provide that. I can't keep a cat in my new place.

So yeah, to those of you out there who can, please foster or adopt animals in need. Because I cannot.

Success

I'm a grown-up now. I've been one for quite some time but I'm finally owning it. I can feel it everyday, when I walk to work, when I choose to drive out to the mall because there is something I really need in my car(that I chose to buy, went through the loan process and paid off within 10 months). When I applied for my Passport. When I overcame a giant mental block and applied for Journalism School. When I was searching for a new place to live and called apartments and looked at places and did all these things.

People get so whiny all the time about being an adult. Oh bills, oh school is so hard, everything is so much more difficult than it used to be. These choices are beautiful. I came across a lot of things in my life by chance. And some of the best things were just random decisions I made. But these thing are mine, and they have made me into the person I am.

One thing that makes me really happy is where I live. It's a kind of life that I never imagined I could live when I lived with Caitlin and Brent, or in Gladmyr Park. I can just walk around after work. Just walk around downtown and walk here and walk there, and no car necessary, ever. And in spring and summer I could bike here or walk there, whatever I want. It is the kind of life I lived when I was in Montreal, and thought was such an amazing thing. I thought nothing could compare. Perhaps Regina is not as culturally diverse, as French, as socially vibrant. But people can live in a similar fashion in this city. I do have a car, and I use it much more often than I really want to, but I have been advancing on that front with some hard work.

People in Regina are dead-set on the idea of driving everywhere, of living in their certain way and are tied into that mindset. It is frustrating and it pulls me down. I cannot wait for spring, when I can really bike everywhere with no excuses. I am moving away from downtown at the end of February. It will be a test for me. It is a lot easier when you're in the middle of the action to not drive on a regular basis.

Being an adult gives me this choice. I have been changing for the better. It makes me happy. As does buying chocolate milk whenever I want(not too often or else you won't savour it, this is a lesson adult Chelsea had to learn on her own). I am content.

I Made It

I have been so scared of moving forward for a long time. I have a giant, irrational fear of rejection, or that I will destroy opportunities that I get. Perhaps also a fear that I won't fit in. Sometimes I think I grew up just fine and I've gotten past my social problems. I'm not. They will always be there. My brain works differently from other people's, and sometimes, maybe not all the time, it shows. I'm over-analytical. My jokes are just a little different from other people's. I think I'm more scared of people, of a change of atmosphere from that which I am accustomed, of having to meet new people, than I am of actually succeeding.
I feel like people don't have enough time to add me into their lives. I don't go simple step-by-step when I meet people. I jump to the thought of "where would I fit in?", "I'm not good enough", and one of my biggest thing is I AM NOT GOOD AT SMALL TALK. It takes me a long time to really bond with others. I know that once someone really gets me, I'm in. Stuck like glue. People get attached to me. It's not an instant magnetism, that's for sure, but I do have a strange lasting effect.
I am so sure that people won't get me, or won't like me, that I put up a facade. It is not intentional. It is a protective instinct. Probably conceived when I was picked on a lot in my younger years. I look like a snob, a bitch. Stand-offish. It is because I don't know how to strike up a conversation. I honestly have this total mental block when it comes to simple introductions. Sitting here, I can think of so many things that could start people talking. Where do you work, are you in school, etc etc. People fucking love talking about themselves. I fucking love talking about myself, why wouldn't they? Just ask them anything! But in the moment, I freeze. It's sad and it is something I need to overcome. I immediately assume the worst, imagine the worst possible thing happening and it ruins all chance.
I have had really good times. In certain situations I am doing really well. I think it may be because it's the middle of winter, a sad time, that I'm dwelling and failing at this.
I started this blog wanting to toot my own horn but ended up with this terribly scathing review of one of my biggest flaws. That's too bad. I overcame a huge mental struggle today. But that blog will wait. Or maybe it'll never happen. I'm a very bizarre person. I build things up in my head. I should do more drugs or something. Maybe talk to someone who understands people's brains. Meh, whatever. I'm sure this feeling will pass and I'll manage to connect with normal people all the time. I'm only 22, there's a whole lifetime of change ahead. Ps, this blog explains why I've been questioning if I should be a server anymore. I am very emotionally-driven and it's hard for me to hide those feelings all the time. This blog sucks. Thanks for reading.