Today in class we had a student-led presentation on the subject of trauma in journalism. At one point we were asked to close our eyes. Imagine a traumatic experience you've had. The way it was presented really did take you into that moment and into how you dealt with it. As we all have, I've been through some stuff. But my mind went to something strange in that moment.
When I was in about grade 7 I was climbing the stairs with my class after some sort of event. Maybe a gym class outside or something. And a guy behind me said something along the lines of "shouldn't take the stairs at the same time as Chelsea, I can feel the earth quake". This, of course, was only one instance of many when that happened to me when I was younger. But I remember it full and clear. I remember above all else that feeling you get. The feeling I got time and time again where I was ashamed to be myself. Where I had no voice and just pretended I couldn't hear anything. Just prayed to be invisible.
And then we were asked how we dealt with that. I dealt with it by hating my peers. I hated where I was, and my lack of freedom. How I was treated when I was reaching adolescence absolutely affected me and will continue to for the rest of my life. Fat, ugly, boyish, loner, leach.
I cannot change how I dealt. I vowed to rise above that town. To rise above everyone who set out to tear me down. It might be a wrong motive but it's a motive to succeed. I grew from an awkward child to an attractive young woman. I am proving my intelligence, skills and dedication.
When I worry that I won't succeed now, I remind myself of what I have riding on it. I refuse to fade into the background. My insecurities are a part of my past. I can't be a journalist without confidence, without ideas, without passion. I need to set myself apart from everyone else if I want to get ahead.
I've come a long way from that staircase. I'm the only person I know from my school to become a journalist. I never foresaw this but there are no words to describe how elated I am about it.
You dealt with those hurtful situations and have become a better person for it!
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