Smart People Are Better at Relationships

I've spent some time mentally comparing the dating lives of the people I usually hang out with--who are well educated, do no hard drugs, party occasionally-- with people that are less educated, party more and do more drugs. Essentially, that would be the dating life of many of my University-educated friends versus my past coworkers.

Guess which group involves less tears, less breakups and less drama? Some of the stories I've heard are so insane that I need to take a step back. To some extent we all enjoy other people's drama but my coworkers pushed it beyond entertaining to grotesque. If I changed the title of this post to "dating", hell yeah those people would be the best. Dumb people, yes, I'm throwing it out there, are better at finding "the one", and falling in love within a month, and creating endless chaos, and then moving onto the new "one", and being blissful and miserable and elated and destroyed. It's easy to find someone to be your everything when your criteria don't go far beyond looks and the right place and time.

The term 'smart' that I've used thus far is really vague. I don't mean to insult the ones that I'm refering to as 'dumb', although there's really no chance that they'll be reading this blog, let's be honest. I suppose when I say 'smart' I follow the original guidelines of my comparison. Smart people are the university-educated folks who don't do hard drugs or party frequently, and the dumb ones aren't university-educated, party lots and/or do drugs. It makes sense that under this label, the dumb ones would be the ones who suck at long-term relationships and are more dramatic. Because they likely lack the drive that the smart ones have, they don't have as stringent of requirements for a significant other. And since they aren't focusing on smart-people issues, or studying, reading, etc, there is a lot more space and time for them to manufacture and allow incredibly dramatic situations. Instead of getting a thrill out of devouring knowledge, they get a thrill out of, say, a cheating boyfriend who keeps coming back, or a boyfriend that physically pushes. I'm not saying dumb girls enjoy pain, I'm saying that they attach themselves to people that can be negative influences. These girls are so fixated on not being lonely and their traditional vision of love that they attach emotionally to this other, and can lose themselves in the process. It seriously saddens me, but it also frustrates me because I can see these people putting themselves in the position to set it up.

I know that the term love means different things to everyone, but I have doubts that the people that dive into relationships like this really have an understanding of the term they so easily throw out.
I know that my real-world experience is limited in the relationship department. I still suspect that my expectations of dating--my standards and my hopes-- were more advanced than those of people who had been serial dating since late elementary school. In fact, I think I had an edge on those folks. I have a strong sense of self. I know what I want out of life and had the opportunity to ponder these things free of someone else's influence before any gentlemen came along to sweep me off my feet.

You know what I think stands as the theme of what I've written here thus far? Smart girls want Mr. Right, the not-so-smart ones want Mr. Right Now.
To the more fun part, I shall move onto why smart people are better at relationships. This is a general observation, and obviously all would need to be seen in a case-by-case situation. This is also how I feel about my personal experience thus far.

Thing 1. Smart people have better criteria for someone that they want to be with. They also tend to meet people in the atmosphere that they spend most of their time, ie, school. There is more opportunity to find someone with similar interests and whether one fits into their criteria.

Thing 2. Smart people don't get carried away so easily. So I meet a guy and he's awesome and the chemistry is there, so on so forth. The smart ones do not decide they're in love because they enjoy spending time with someone. They take it for what it is, because they take the time to step back from that situation and see that a relationship takes time to unfold and there is no need to rush all of the new, exciting things.

Thing 3. We don't entirely forget the others' differences. We just only acknowledge them when they affect us. If you throw garbage out of your car when you're by yourself, that's on you. But if you do it with me, I'm gonna be pissed, and make you get it and throw it in a garbage later.

Thing 4. We don't try to change the other. Yeah, I don't like everything about you. I don't like the sound of you snoring, but from experience, I know the only way to stop that is plugging your nose, and then you get all "Oh, I can't breathe now". Annoying! But I accept it because of all the other awesome things you offer me. Us smart people, we understand that maybe, our significant other probably doesn't like every single thing about me, but they are willing to put up with it as well. It's a give and take.

Thing 5. We don't plan irrationally far into the future. We have dreams. We want to go on this incredible trip to Europe together and learn new languages, and have orgies in Amsterdam. But it's a dream. We don't talk about it every other day. We know that we won't last forever, and if we do last forever, that's fricken sweet, but,you know, statistically, it's not likely. We don't talk about having kids, or getting married, or moving in together until the appropriate time comes.

Thing 6. We are open with each other. Communication is key. If we don't talk when things are bothering us, and if we hide our true feelings, our relationship is taking a hit. If you really care about someone else, you are likely excited to keep an open dialogue. Plus, the communication thing keeps us in tune with Thing 5. We have an understanding of what time is appropriate to talk about moving in, because we've openly discussed where we're at. Boom.

I think smart people have these advantages, but I know we all face challenges, even challenges that disprove some or all of the points I just made. The great benefit we have is this: we think things through. We can step back for just a moment and decide if what we're doing is the best for us and the one we're with.